In Treatment
by watermelon.drops
Summary: In which Steve's overzealousness rises to unspeakable levels, and Kono finds herself unhappily married to a gun carrying, camo wearing, snark-tastic male of males, a gagillion miles away from home, with an ever griping brother in law, and a brooding cousin. You dont read about this kind of stuff in Get Married Weekly.


**In Treatment**

**By: watermelon . drops**

**Chapter 1: Husband and Wife**

She stares at him, wide eyed, lips puckered in a half hearted attempt to control her laughter. "You want _us_, as in me and you, to fake a marriage, a _happy_ marriage, in. . . - in _Alaska_?"

Steve's face is a vision of indifference, as usual, as he stands idle behind his desk, nodding, blinking as if this whole thing were so natural. She finds it infuriating.

"Steve, that's like a million miles away from here. . . How do we even have jurisdiction in Nome?"

"Well," he begins, quickly pulling papers from the top drawer of his desk, an excited smile tugging at his lips. "We don't. But! Their Governor, called _our_ Governor, and asked for our team specifically. Apparently we're making a pretty good impression on outside agencies."

"Uh - _huh_," and she sounds absolutely unconvinced. "But, again, that's like a million miles away from here. And what about any problems that pop up while we're gone? Who's gonna take care of our cases? What about Chin and Danny?"

Her fist twitches as the urge to knock that grin from his face begins to overpower common sense. He really is too self-satisfied. "We both know I've figured all this out," he says, moving around the desk to stand in front of her. "Danny and Chin will be coming with us. Lori will man the fort while we're gone, a few select members from Narcotics and HPD will be working with her. This guy," he points to the file as he hands it off to her, "he's super high profile. Like Interpol, National Security sort of deal. Everybody wants him, and they've chosen _us_ to take him down. You cant tell me you're not a _little_ excited about something this _huge_ being offered to us."

Kono shifts a little, and she forces back the urge to snort. Of course they got this case. Apparently everyone 'round here thinks they're some kind of super heroes who defy the normal, _human_, ways of life. Like sleeping, for instance. _Gah_, she cant remember the last time she had a good night's sleep.

"_Annnddd_," McGarrett drawls in that smug, devious little way of his. "We'll be staying in a _nice_ hotel, with room service, a heated, indoor pool. Three meals a day. And there are no schedules. For the time being, we've just been ordered to stay at the hotel as long as he does, watch for any patterns, any suspicious movement, and when he leaves, we'll follow. F.B.I. thinks he's in business with another high profiler, some Colombian drug pusher, and they're due for a meet." He leans against his desk, watches her for some sort of confirmation, or outburst, whichever comes first.

"No schedules?"

He smiles. "None."

"And for an undetermined amount of time during the day, I get to have some genuine me time? No busts or five hour sit ins or shoot outs in lobbies or -"

"Nothing of the sort," and he tries his best to muffle the laugh.

She sighs, glances down at the file. "And if Danny starts to get on my nerves -"

"- I'll gag him with my sock."

Kono tosses the file to his desk and gives a short, curt nod. "Alright Boss, I'm in."

He smiles, 'cause they make it so easy.

.

Steve McGarrett is fearless.

Kono Kalakaua is just like Steve McGarrett.

Chin Ho Kelly is sensible and, in variation, is also virtually fearless.

Danny Williams. . .is not.

In fact, Kono is under the disturbing, but mildly amusing impression that their loud mouthed 5-0 counterpart may be on the verge of disbursing the contents of his bladder all over that nicely upholstered seat on this nicely decorated plane.

She grins. "Howzit, Danno?"

Chin laughs.

"Well, _Kono_, if you must know," and Danny sounds every bit as disheveled as he looks. "I am definitely _not_ doing very well. In fact, we're thousands of feet from the ground, in case you haven't noticed, and I have a daughter, as we all know, and I would really love be around for her next birthday, be there for Christmas. You know, little things like that. And, if this has _somehow _managed to slip your mind as well, I prefer _life_, to crashing and burning amidst a plane I didn't want to be on, with people that cease to amaze me with their unbearably reckless, _stupid_, ideas of '_good cases_'. I've explained this to your joyous Commander on a few occasions - I need _money_, not a life notarizing case to land my face in the paper. Thank. You. For. Asking."

Kono laughs, along with Chin, and by the time Steve makes it back to his seat, Danny is glaring with a frightful sort of calm, and he thinks the cousins may need a few new organs if they don't contain themselves.

"What's so funny?"

Kono can only point in Danny's direction, and it's all the clarification he needs.

Danny sinks into his seat and ignores them for the remainder of the flight.

When she's finally able to compose herself, Kono snuggles into the soft, plush seat behind her, left to her own devices as Chin pulls a pair of headphones from his pack. She watches the small screen of his DVD player for a moment, curious as to what he'd have brought along, and is promptly back to staring ahead when she realizes it's something highly boring and, if she's being honest, middle-aged. There are few passengers, as she'd imagined, certain that few Hawaii goers would be jumping on midnight flights to _Alaska_. It's still strange, to think that she's traveling so far away from home, to a place that she never in her _wildest_, most imaginative dreams thought she'd go. She'd packed accordingly, though Joe assured her before they left that she'd be buying a year's worth of clothes once she arrived and realized just how cold it really is there, but she couldn't really worry about it. Weather isn't as intimidating as the target of their travels. It's comforting to know that they wont actually be initiating anything during their stay, and the fact that this whole thing will end up being like a vacation is kind of exciting. She grins. Hot tubs. Soft beds. Late mornings. Free meals. Yeah, she could easily fall into character with accommodations like the pictures she'd seen in Commando's file folder. The place was like a friggin' winter wonderland, like somethin' she's seen in magazines and on those T.V. specials. Guess it kinda fit, seeing as she's native Hawaiian, so taking a vacation up the road doesn't appeal like it does to most. Maybe this whole thing wont be so bad, surely not as bad as Danny's making it out to be.

"You got your character down?"

She starts a little when Steve plops down beside her, feet immediately propping on the seat in front of him.

"Of course," she snaps, turns so he cant see the grin. "You?"

"Oh, absolutely. But hey," she peeps an eye open when his fingers grace her wrist. "Our guy at the resort has a few more info sheets we need to read over when we get there, so we'll be spending a night in a hotel about an hour away from the place. Just to be sure we have our stories straight."

She lolls her head so she can see him, her body slack against her seat. "Other than that, everything's the same?"

"Yep," and he mimics her, sinking into the cushions. "Just some back-story changes. Nothing serious."

"Well, then. I think I'm going to get started on some much needed relaxation," she mumbles, letting her eyes fall closed once more. "I'll see you in Alaska."

Steve grins, watches her face relax. "See you in Alaska."

.

She's going to _kill _him.

First, with her bare hands, 'cause she's been dreaming about smacking that grin off his face for _months_. And then maybe her service weapon, 'cause that's just so easy.

She throws open the door to her hotel room and rounds the corner, stomping down the sidewalk towards where _he_ is staying. If he's there… he's dead. If not, she'll frickin' find him!

"Uh, Kono?"

She rounds on Danny's voice and frowns. "What?"

"You, uh… you alright?"

"Alright?" she repeats, half laughing. "Alright! No! I'm not alright. Do you know what our cover is?"

Danny raises a brow. "Well, yes, I thought we were all aware of our covers… you know, to avoid being made?"

"Oh really?"

He backs away a little. She can be quite frightening. "Yes?"

"Well, _for your information_," she nearly shouts, walking him into a corner. "Steve and I are _not_ a happy couple! We are a _troubled_ couple, seeking _couples' therapy_!"

Danny laughs. Loudly. "Oh my God, that's _priceless_."

"Priceless? This is… I don't.. _therapy_?" She plops down to the sidewalk in front of Danny's hotel room door. "I thought we'd have to be seen together, not actually convince a _therapist _that we're, and I quote, 'a couple of a year and a half, sharing a work environment, having trouble separating home from business, lacking effective communication, and unable to come to a viable agreement about starting a family'."

Danny gapes, face red with mirth. "Wow. Honestly. I don't know what to say."

"At least you're not _my_ brother."

His smile falls. "Excuse me?"

"Did you not read the latest paperwork? Our updated profiles?"

"Well, I glanced over it but -"

"- but you failed to read the part about you being Steve's brother, Chin being mine? Yeah. At this _couples' resort_, only close family members are allowed to join in on this journey between two people in love, hoping to fix their relationship before all is lost to-"

" - Yeah," Danny interrupts, frowning. "I get it."

It's Kono's turn to laugh. "He tricked us."

"I should have known something was up when he bought me lunch."

"I was lost when he offered to stick his sock in your mouth. In retrospect, I suppose I should have gotten a written statement, or something with a notarization."

Danny nods. "In a way, this is our fault, too. For being so despicably susceptible to Die Hard's weird little games."

"Why would he even care about this case," Kono asks, shaking her head. "I mean, Nome, Alaska? Steve hates the cold. He hates snow. He hates Winter Sports. He doesn't even like resorts, so it cant be the room service that got his attention."

She glances at Danny when he doesn't respond and raises a brow. "What?"

"Sure do know a lot about him, huh?"

Her anger is quickly rekindled. "_Jesus_. I'm going to find him."

"Right, well, save the makeup sex for when your therapist is around," He drawls to her back, grinning. "I'm sure that's gotta be some kind of stepping stone in an otherwise demented relationship."

He doesn't have time to duck under the pen that hits him point first in the forehead.

.

Hamburger or hotdog?

Or maybe chicken.

No.

Hamburger. With cheese.

"I'll take a cheeseburger," Steve says with decision, offering the girl behind the counter a lopsided smile. "And, uh, a large Coke."

"That'll be all for you, sir?"

When the door bursts open behind him, he wonders briefly which one it'll be. But then he hears the light footsteps and smothers down a chuckle. Of course. Kono would have been the only one to actually take the time to re-read their profiles at such a late hour, and the only one with enough pent up energy to come all the way into town to find him.

"Make that two cheeseburgers," he answers the cashier, pulling out his wallet. "A large Coke, and large Dr. Pepper."

"It's the least you can do, I guess," she's saying to his back, and he doesn't dare turn around yet. "Considering all the _lies_ you fed me."

"They were not _lies_, Kono." He hands the disgruntled girl before him a twenty, holds up a hand to the change, and finally turns, glances sidelong at his cohort. "I didn't know about the… _issues_, until we got here and I looked over the papers myself. I knew it was a therapy resort, but I didn't know what for. I never lied."

"Right," she grumps, folding her arms. "Only _half truths_. You cant always get by telling people what you want them to know, you realize that, don't you? Passing it off as withheld information only works for so long."

"And if I'd have told you?"

"I wouldn't have come!"

"Exactly," his voice is raising along with hers, and he remembers why he'd offered them up for this job to begin with. "You would have said no and missed out on a really good opportunity. For both your career and yourself. I know it'll be a little more work, but you'll still have all those things that interested you to begin with. It's a nice place, and has lots to do -"

"- other than being your nagging wife!"

"- _yes_," he breathes, attempting to remain calm. "Other, _fun_, things that you can do without me or Danny or Chin." He sighs, moves a little closer to her. "Look, I know I might have kept some of the info from you -"

She glares.

" - _Fine!_ I lied. Happy?"

"Not entirely."

He lets his eyes loll up to the ceiling, drops his hands. "Okay," he says slowly, "I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was only thinking of the good, and maybe I didn't realize how extensive the bad was until I'd already agreed." He looks back at her and she's a little calmer, a little less intimidating. "You and I are perfect for this case, Kono. No, we're not really romantically involved, but we've pretended enough to be comfortable and we know each other better than anyone else, probably better than our other team mates. I mean, if anyone can pull this off, it's us."

Her frown softens; just a tad. "How, exactly? You read that profile. How do we _create_ problems? We don't live together, we don't have communication issues… I mean, we don't.. we're not.. - we don't _have_ sex, so the lack of it isn't exactly a problem for us. And with that, kids and a 'family', aren't all that important."

Steve nods, lookin' like he's already thought of this. "In those sessions, they'll give us plenty of ammo -"

"- so you mean we steal other people's issues and use them for ourselves?"

He pouts a little at her disapproving glare, and watches her as she moves to grab their food, following closely to a table towards the back. "Not _steal_. Just… improvise, with a little bit of help."

She unwraps her cheeseburger with a little more force than necessary.

He sighs. "Alright, how bout this?" Biting into his own, he talks through a mouthful, smiling at the horrified look on her face. "We get there, check in, attend the first session or two, and if you feel like we cant pull it off after we try it, we'll leave."

"Leave? Just up and go?"

He nods. "Yep. I'll tell the Governor that problems arose and we're unfit to continue. No big deal."

She sets her burger down and picks at the edges, eyeballing him from under her lashes, the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "And you wont be all depressed due to our failure as officers of the law and go into a three month death-defying dive through every criminal drug ring in town to make yourself feel better?"

"Like I would do something -" he averts eyes from the _as if_ way she's looking at him. "No. I will be doing nothing of the like."

Kono lets out a small breath and sits back, props her elbows on the table. "Isn't this gonna be a bit… personal? The questions, I mean?"

"Yeah, they will be," he answers, a bit sobered. "We'll just have to be as honest as possible, while adding each other into the truth. If they asked me what my nightly routine was, I could still tell them everything I do at night, just throw you into the picture for certain aspects."

"Like?"

He looks down at his hands, brows crunched in concentration. "Alright. My nightly routine: home, shower, dinner, maybe T.V., and bed." He shrugs. "I can detail you in. I come home, take a shower, make dinner if you're not there, maybe you've made it if you were, we eat, watch some T.V. together, maybe a movie. If they want something more elaborate, you choose on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, me on Tuesdays and Fridays. Saturday we might go out, or maybe we used to, before work got so time consuming. That could be a problem we have; no time for each other." He takes a swig of his drink, scratches at the bit of stubble on his chin. "Maybe we used to get ready for bed together, but now I stay up later. So you go first, and you can throw in details there, about your little routine, and I usually hit the sack at, what, midnight? One? Something like that. Undress, brush my teeth, and that's that."

She's staring at him a little oddly, but he grins because he knows she's coming around.

"Yeah," she's mumbling, head tilting a little. "Maybe we can pull it off."

"Maybe."

He goes back to eating his burger but can feel her looking at him, that calculating stare of hers making his hackles stand on end. Not so much uncomfortable; just strange. They're together more now than they used to be, and he's learned her mannerisms for the most part, understands how she functions on most occasions. Danny's time has been divvied up for Grace's sake, and Kono has happily taken up the slack, working as McGarrett's second wingman… woman… Either way, their time together has taken on a comfortable, easy air, and things like this get under his skin. When she does something she wouldn't normally do; a look, a gesture, a different tone or expression. This isn't something that should worry her, not as much as it seems to be, and the uncertain set of her face baffles him. She's too confident for this, too experienced. They've done more extensive work, been under deeper, with more dangerous people, with less back up. Still, something about this mission is bothering her, and he finds it rather frustrating that he doesn't know what it is. That she hasn't told him.

"So are we on?"

The caramel of her eyes shines beneath the fluorescents of this crap-tastic eatery, and he's watching her with more interest than before when she tries to smile, but falls a little short.

"Yeah, we're on," she agrees, nodding, a hand reaching out to him. "Husband."

He takes her hand, shakes it firmly. "Wife."


End file.
